Finally putting this out there.
I’m annoyed right now and don’t like it. Here’s what’s on my mind…
I have nothing against other big, beautiful, voluptuous women. In fact, I love them. If you have the confidence to show it off, shake it, make .gif’s of your jiggly bits and bare all to the cyberworld, good for you. I’m all for self-acceptance, appreciation, and spreading the love. It encourages others and motivates them to find the beauty in themselves — I can’t begin to stress how much I like this and I love what I see everyday on the blogs I follow. You’re all beautiful and it makes me really happy to see so much confidence in women of all ages and sizes.
Here’s the kicker:
I’m not like that. And I will probably never compete with other women. I have come a long way in the last few years with my body image and acceptance. I don’t hide in the shadows anymore, I talk about it. Post about it. Defend it when I have to, and walk away when someone or something just isn’t worth it. I can share photos of myself, but they’ll most likely be of me fully clothed. They’ll probably show off my curves or make my boobs look great, but that’s about it. The best part is, I will feel beautiful in them without expecting any further validation from others (although that’s nice sometimes, too).
People keep badgering me to show them naked pictures, model lingerie on cam, and prove to them that I love myself. Prove to them that I’m just as or more beautiful than so-and-so. Seriously, piss off. If you actually like me, I shouldn’t have to prove anything to you. If you think I want to be a contestant in your grab-bag-of-fatties-who-praise-you, count me out. I’m open-minded. I’m sensual. I love sex. Just don’t get it twisted — I’m not a prude, I’m a lady. Give me a good reason to impress you and I’ll do it my way when you give me a chance to be myself.
Now before you guys come at me for letting this get to me, I’ll just say — I know this is the internet and most of the people I come across on my usual sites/boards/blogs/etc will be total horny douchebuckets who don’t gaf, and many of them live nowhere near me. But some do. And it’s not like I get annoyed or bothered right away. Normally when someone asks, I’m honest and kindly tell them it’s not my thing. Some accept that, others pretend to, but a majority of them whip out the crazy and start begging or start using really disturbing methods of coercion. Even with the locals I’ve been meeting lately, it feels like I have to bare all and play up the sex over the internet first just to convince them I’m a woman worth knowing. Sorry, that’s not how this works. Help yourself to a five knuckle shuffle over someone else’s goodies, that’s not how I roll.
Wow, I can’t believe how incredible it felt to get that off my chest :)
I know some of you will ask why I even bother with online dating or size acceptance communities anymore. The truth is, I want to be out there. Even if I’m not proactively searching for a relationship or desperate to be in one, I want to stay in the loop. So I use the internet and update my profiles, join meetup groups and network/befriend/and babble with and about whatever is relevant to my life because it’s mine and I’m living it the best way I know how. I’m an optimist. An opportunist. A rambling realist. I’m also a hopeless romantic under the right circumstances. I love meeting new people, I love that there are people who love what I love. That’s it.
